I hate the phrase "knock on wood"


I hate the phrase, "Knock on wood". The only time it has ever been okay is when it was sung by The Mighty Mighty Bosstones. If you're one of the people who've said something in the cockpit like, "I've never had an engine fire or a hydraulic leak. Wait, let me knock on..." and then looks around the cockpit for something to knock on, you may recall I gave you a courtesy smile. I hate that phrase.I'll put my foot where my mouth is. I'm gonna use it. So far the formula for keeping the peace with a newborn has been pretty simple. I'm looking for some wood to knock on. I'll amend my hatred for that phrase. If you're somewhere in which wood is unlikely to be present - there will be no knocking. I just used air quotes. If ever I share a room with you on the International Space Station and I see you looking around for some hard wood flooring after saying "all this time and the toilet has backed up once", I may kick you in the shins. Never mind. Forget the knocking! I'll say it loud and boastfully... proudly tempting fate! So far the formula for keeping the peace with a newborn has been pretty simple. There are only a few things to fix when he cries... Sometimes I look around and wonder if there is more to it than just changing a wet diaper or giving him something to eat? The crib is pretty simple. Maybe he's upset because he'd rather have a few hundred thread count sheets to cuddle up under or at least a pillow? I've seen the inside of enough Hampton Inn elevators to know all humans want fluffy comforters and free waffles. These are the things that make you see sheep while you sleep. Maybe he's not happy with the amenities? Is this why he cries? Nope - wet diaper. The Ipod has been on repeat for a few days. Maybe he's tired of hearing the same "Nature's Tranquility" tracks? The sounds of the Amazon Rain Forest may be freaking him out? I know some nights when I'm halfway between sleep and deep sleep but upright and tripping over myself those tunes put me inside Apocalypse Now. Nope, a bottle of the same stuff he's been drinking since birth and he's good to go. Don't get me wrong - sometimes I'm tired and the bottle and diaper change take a little longer than I'd like. Sometimes he doesn't just roll back to sleep as efficiently as his old man does. Eight and a half hours before the hotel van time and lights out for me. "Come on buddy, we're gonna do this is three hours - it's now or never." It's these time I wonder if he's been listening over my shoulder to NPR and wonders if there will ever be peace in the Middle East? Maybe he has the answer and just doesn't have the ability to tell me? Maybe this is what's upsetting him? Nope, a bounce or two and a burp and then he's off to the pillow races. Again, so far the formula has been pretty simple. Now, let me find some wood to knock on. It's too bad "Stomp on Wood" lost it's flavor. According to Wikipedia, it was said to originate from early settlers when they would stomp the floor in their log cabins to avoid bad luck.

Since storms cancelled our evening with The Flaming Lips - I had to go to Youtube.

Well, The Flaming Lips show in Philadelphia turned into “A bit of a bath - a big bath” (to quote the Woodstock documentary - although theirs was in reference to the bath the promoters would take upon getting the bill for the festival.) Although we had a nice evening and some great Indian cuisine downtown with some friends at Karma, our evening of Lips was cut off after about 6 songs when storms rolled in from the West and forced us all into the air conditioned “too unbearably hot outside” tent. Or in our case, the air conditioned and cold “too rainy for outside” tent. Actually, first Susan and I cut through the rain into an unused beer tent that had since closed up shop. We were dry for about 60 seconds until we were forced to vacate our dry dwellings by a water saleslady, “You’re not allowed in there!” In the larger tent we waited for the storm to pass while I watched the Weather Channel app on my Google Phone draw red cells around “our current location”. We were warned about the possibility of storms before the set started and were assured by the band they'd play as long as the weather cooperated and the promoters said it was safe. First came the rain and they played on - then the lightning. After an hour in the tent, and amidst the worst of the thunder and lightning, the staff announced we should leave, "the show is over." Although I was optimistic up until this point, I figured the venue had a curfew and this couldn't go on for ever. We left during the Philly accented and encouraging, “you’s all should leave now” but I knew the tone would turn less pleasant as I already heard a few staff grumble about how they were supposed have gone home 5 minutes ago. Into the rain we went. We regrouped with friends at Dave and Busters next door and played video games in wet clothes to wait until the weather gave us the time to walk to the hotel. Sitting in wet clothes at video games took me back to Adventure Island in Tampa and playing Pole Position in a wet bathing suit. Much like then, I’d have hated to be the kid in the seat after me. Ah well, all in all the bit of the set we saw was fun. Lots of confetti and balloons and great music. Next time, we will have to see them inside in August.

I used to watch alot of Fanny at my Nana's house

Plenty of sick days from Grade School were spent at my Nana's in Tampa watching this show from her king sized bed. I think it was on at 1pm while she was watching Days of Our Lives in the other room. (Side note - I threw up on her new carpet one day and while she was yelling at me for puking she started throwing up too. As a result, if it was "Bridge" day, I'd sleep in the back of her car in her friends driveway while they were inside drinking Martini's and playing cards. The ladies were afraid I had a weak stomach and would ruin their carpet.)

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