The Beat Poets Taught Me How to Talk to a Four Year Old

jack_kerouac___on_the_road_3_by_nicadom
jack_kerouac___on_the_road_3_by_nicadom

Many days during my college decade were spent studying the Beat Poets and experimenting with stream of consciousness prose. We turned words cut from the newspapers into dialog and had nonsense talks over wine. We verbally riffed and let our talks ebb and flow on a course of their own often ending where they began... with a twist.

Talking to a four year old takes me back to that time. Those late night jams wired my brain to help me navigate most of my dialogs now. At least the ones I have with him. The child.

With him, I know where our conversations start and how I want them to end... my job is to orchestrate the words to reach that desired crescendo. I take his words... cut them up and use them against him. All the while letting him think he has a say in things. He's just providing the tempo.

For me, it's lots of verbal bait and switch. Subtle misdirection.

Our breakfast conversation may start with him telling me how much he "Doesn't like bagels! I will never eat them again!" With my conductors baton in hand the talk will end with him devouring a bagel telling me "This is my favorite food ever!"

But between those two points... is magic.

"I don't like bagels! I will never eat them again!" He says pushing his plate away.

"I know you don't like them. The cream cheese is horrible anyways." I add.

"I don't like cream cheese!"

"Cream cheese... string fleas... pink bees... crinkly knees." I rhyme.

"Trees! Trees rhymes with bees!" He sings.

"Sneeze and breeze and flying trapeze. Let's not forget the peas." I say.

"I like peas." He says smiling.

"I like peas too. And bagels." I strike.

"You don't like bagels. I like bagels. I love bagels. This is my favorite food!" He says as he pulls his plate closer.

Magic.

Google Voice Poetry

I started using Google Voice months back on my G1 android phone to transcribe my voice mails. When you leave me a message, I get an email containing the text version of that message. While I can still listen to the voice mail, most of the time the email is enough to give me the gist of what the call is about. Often if provides hilarious results as Google has a much harder time with some voices over others. I call it Google Voice Poetry. My Nana's messages provide the best results. Sorry Nana... these emails were to priceless not to share! In this voicemail, she is thanking us for the peanut butter we sent as a birthday present to my grandfather.

Peanut butter lovers shows that you have a diabetic

Hi, silverware, have you been a big we've been trying to call you.Yeah, Susan that boggled got his presence and expected today and I put it, and I live a falling out of his mouth because of the recipient.Peanut butter lovers shows that you have a diabetic.That's 98.Wanted to talk to her.We're going to do.It was great stories birthday tonight baby socks taking a shower but I'd like to hear more.You know about what's going on, so if you're outside.Dan or something, call me okay.Have you bought.Thank you Susan,You are great.God bless. Bye bye. Plus.

Note: "Peanut butter lovers shows that you have a diabetic" is "We're peanut butter lovers you two shouldn't have done it."

This is from my father asking about the snow storm in Baltimore. I had put some pictures up online. Google does a better job transcribing his text.

Capitalist want to know covered in snow

Still Smell in. 11:30 on Sunday. I saw the pictures. Capitalist want to know covered in snow. I checked with put furniture out in the street so you can park your car. Maybe you don't do that in your neighborhood. Call me. Love you.

And another one from my Nana. She leaves the best Google Voice Poetry.

I waved a way to go to bed

Hey Christopher Stork. I got your message tonight but I called you this is my start diet and I just want to know what's going on. Have more about it. And I also called her this afternoon because we got those two thousand years. If it for Paul upon you need to ask you about that anyway. Anyways, so I was wondering whether you have gotten my message and I call you last night i call you this morning colleagues. Hey, Ronald, I waved a way to go to bed, and I'm calling with tonight. I'd like to know what's going on with the baby in everything out okay. I'll be home. Martinez 11:30. Call me anytime you and suicides. Well port. Thank you very much for the presence and we love you and I hope everything is going on fun with the maybe if i bye.

Crew Scheduling asking me about a burger?

The samples in Chris Killing

Hey, Good. The samples of Chris killings. I'll have a question for you enjoyed your trip for tomorrow. If you have a chance. Gimme a call back. Have a quick questions, I wonder if you can show a burger. If you can give me a call back. Thanks.

As you can read, the results are not perfect but for the first time in alone while, I enjoy getting voicemails! My recorded message used to say, "Don't leave a message, send me a text." I want to change it to, "Leave as long and detailed of a message as you want... and maybe do it with a mouthful of food!"